Alone Close to You
by sekai no yakusoku
Summary: “I don’t want to feel so alone when I’m so close to you!” [RobxRae and onesided SpeedyxRae...for alenachan's challenge]


For alena-chan's challenge  
Sentences used: Silence is safe. That much she knew.  
Type: One-shotPairing: Rob/Rae, one-sided Speedy/Rae  
Dedicated to: alena-chan

Review if you've got a second, thanks!

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**Alone Close to You**

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He rubbed the back of his head as if in thought and eyed the girl across the room from him with some misgiving. Her posture seemed tense at best and he barely repressed a shake of his head. What else could he expect? Trying to kiss her wasn't his brightest idea…especially when she was already very much in love with Robin. At that thought, Roy Harper—also known as the irrepressible Speedy—had two feelings simultaneously. One was of momentary fear for his well-being if Robin found out; the other was of frustration with himself. 

He should have asked her first.

_I should have asked her first_, he thought softly as he continued to stare at her cloaked back. Even her hood was up, just another sure sign that he'd gone too far. A moment more of consideration from across the room, and he found himself walking toward the dark sorceress in a way that was as unthreatening as possible, nothing that would make her even more defensive—if possible. For the masked young man was fearful, fearful that before he could reach her and explain, no...before he could reach her and _try_ to explain, she would simply disappear. His heart ached at the thought of her always running away from him, but he brushed it aside in favor of preventing it altogether as he came to stand a little behind her.

He felt his mouth open, and shut it again. A few more tries and he felt like a fish. Roy wasn't accustomed to this. Much of the time he depended on his somewhat arrogant but charming mannerisms to get him out of pinches. But this wasn't one of those times he could do that sort of thing…far from it. To his surprise, before he could try again, Raven turned to him, slowly, the way a person turns when he or she has no choice.

"Why?" she asked and he was surprised by how her voice broke. The empath took all precautions to guard herself against such shows of weakness. Raven too was shocked by her own tonality. Usually she would have simply ignored this ever happened, and stood there quiet as night until he left her alone.

Silence was safe. That much she knew.

But it wasn't what she needed tonight...tonight she needed answers.

_You really unglued her_, you bastard, some part of himself seethed in the corner_. But maybe that means she cares more than you think_, another part dared to hope.

What could he say? She would know if he lied...obviously.

"Because I wanted to," he sighed and took a step toward her. Raven backed up immediately, running into the wide glass window. He stopped moving. "Please, Rae, don't disappear," he said with a softness she'd never recognized in him before, but something else snapped over that recognition.

"Don't call me that. Only—"

"—Robin can call you that. I know," he said with a new quietness. Raven stopped shifting in place, staring from underneath her hood with a thousand confusions whirling around in her mind. When it had happened she should have seen it coming, she supposed. She was an empath. But there were some things she was not ready to understand or accept and this was one of them. So she had hidden his feelings from herself to the point when he could no longer hide them himself.

And he had tried to kiss her...he had actually, but on the cheek.

Raven had turned her face to the side at the last split second.

But _that_ bothered her too. What she should have done, Intelligence told her, was step back entirely, disappear into the floor...anything to get completely away from Speedy. Instead she'd almost let him do what he wanted to do.

_Why?_ She asked herself this time but came back to the moment as Speedy's voice broke calmly into her thoughts.

"I won't say I'm sorry Raven, for trying...I...I can't help it," he said and stepped toward her again, just a couple steps. There was maybe a foot of space between them now. Before she knew what was happening, Raven, from underneath her hood, saw hands move past her and blinked as it slipped down, off her head. "I like to see the person I'm talking to," Speedy explained a little too casually.

"Why couldn't you 'help it'?" Raven heard herself ask and fully registered the hurt in Speedy's face at the degree of accusation in her voice. He ran his fingers through his hair nervously and her chest tightened. That gesture reminded her so much of Robin...

Robin.

He'd been gone for some time now, his only words when he left being that he wouldn't be able to contact her or any of the titans until he returned...and that he didn't know when that would be. Titans East had sent over Speedy as a temporary replacement since Steel City saw less activity than Jump. Robin left the position of leader to Raven...of course. She'd vehemently protested such a notion to begin with, but he would hear none of it.

Raven remembered when before he left, Robin drew her close and touched his forehead to hers, whispering: "I believe in you. You should do the same."

It had been five months since that day.

During that time she had, as she put it, 'put up with' Speedy's arrogance and antics, but truly he grew on her and she had a certain appreciation for his company. He could keep up a lively banter and he seemed to enjoy it as much as she did. So when Speedy began to say things just for the sake of seeing her get steamed, or arranged it so he was the one who had to go out on patrol with her, it seemed natural.

_You fool_, one of her many selves hissed at her. She clenched her eyes shut, alarmed to find a thin, hot trail of tears escaping. Raising her hand to wipe them away, she opened her eyes as another hand stopped hers. Speedy used his free hand to gently dry the tears he hated himself for causing.

"So that's it then, I don't really have a chance do I?" he said half-jokingly. Raven stood, stone-still and staring more wide-eyed than she'd ever been in her entire life; he wanted a chance. A chance? His hand moved to brush some stray hair out of her face and he couldn't help himself as he framed her cheek in his palm. To her mingled surprise and confusion, Raven leaned into his touch, just a little as she felt her defenses crumble and honest seep out of the cracks.

"Maybe if we'd met before," she whispered. Still bewildered by her own words and actions, she was even more stunned by the feeling of loss as Speedy withdrew his touch and she watched as he watched her for a moment in thoughtful silence...sad silence. Then, as if prepared to go out fighting, he seemed to square his shoulders as he raised his hands to the black and white eye-mask. Raven instantly held out a hand, opening her mouth to tell him not to, but before she even got her first word out, the mask fluttered like a dead leaf to the floor.

Eyes blue like the stormy sea...Robin?

No, her mind stopped its charade and the young man in front of her had red hair again and a half-apologetic smile.

"So I'm late then, that's it..." he shook his head at himself and Raven was struck by the amount of melancholy there...amazing how much more one could see and sense when the eyes were not hidden.

A pause passed as clouds filtered over the moon outside.

"I can't—" Raven began, tone pulsing with a million contradictions.

The clouds passed and moonlight shone back onto the odd pair as Roy's voice cut off Raven's.

"Am I...am I not good enough?" His inflection was not hard or mean, just sorrowful and lost...alone.

"Spee—"

"Roy," he interrupted again, with a pointed gesture to his mask on the floor.

"Roy," she said more softly. "Not good enough? No that's not it..." she talked to herself now as she recognized the potential of her own feelings in return. Her next words seemed altogether rhetorical: "What have you done?" she asked both him and herself and turned back to the window.

_You had...no, you **have** feelings for another man?_ Her mind raged. _You have Robin!_

_But I **don't**! He's not here...he's never here..._ A more timid but defiant part of her shot back, bitter and despondent.

Her heart throbbed as the bitterness yielded under the weight of honest grief.

_Robin...you're so far away...I miss you._

She shook her head to rid it of the many voices.

"Raven," Roy laid a hand on her shoulder to turn her to face him slightly; he now stood directly to the right of her. "I did it because _I miss you_," he said.

It took her a minute or so to get over the shock of hearing her thoughts voiced by someone else.

"But I'm right here...I'm always right here," she replied suddenly in a hushed voice, the voice of someone trying not to cry because she felt crying was exactly the kind of weakness she'd promised she wouldn't show while Robin was away.

She wasn't that type of girl.

But five months was a long time with no contact, some gentler part of her soul relented...even for someone who wasn't that type of girl.

"You're not. You're somewhere...out there...waiting for him," Roy said with a cheerless smile. "But just for now, I want you here, with me and I know you love him but...I know when he comes back I can't ever be this close to you…so just for now I want you here," he gained some passion with each passing phrase. "I don't want to feel so alone when I'm so close to you!"

Violet eyes locked with stormy blue ones as if they were seeing what was right in front of them for the first time.

"You know I love him, right? So why all of this? Why did you come here? Why do you stay?" she asked. And Roy had to fight every fathomable urge in him to try and kiss her again...every urge to tell her he stays because he loves her more than Robin ever could. Her eyes looked luminous in the moonlight that streamed through the window and the soft sweep of her hair framed her delicate features in silken strands. To stop himself, he drew her close until he held her in an embrace, his head lowered over her shoulder as he whispered his answer:

"I know, but I'll always be here for you anyway...when I think of what I want to protect in this world, I see your face." It wasn't 'I love you' or 'I can love you better' but it was the other half of the truth. And that was the best he could do if he didn't want to hurt her anymore. Surprising him, Roy felt Raven's petite arms return the embrace.

"I'm sorry you feel alone," she said, unexpectedly.

"I'm sure you feel the same way," he replied kindly.

"I never knew you could be so nice," Raven tried to joke as she pulled out of the mutual hold. Roy tried not to let his disappointment show at the loss of contact.

"Hey, I'm the Mr. Nice Guy. Never heard my rep?" he joked back. If this made her more comfortable, then so be it; he knew where he stood for certain now as they both headed toward the kitchen—her for tea, him just to be near, as usual. Yes he knew where he stood, his role, his fate if it could be called that.

He could never replace the man she loved. Still...

"But Raven," his voice became a note more serious and Raven's gaze faltered from mischievous and friendly to somewhat tense and a shade of her prior sadness.

"Yes?" She turned to face Roy, leaning carelessly in the doorway to the kitchen.

"If he ever makes you cry, not like this, but when he comes back—and he will come back," he added that part with a shake of his head, "Robin's no fool. He knows he has more than a reason to make it back here. Don't look at me like that...but anyway...if he ever makes you cry, just one tear...I'm going to steal you away," he finished in a whisper.

"He won't," Raven said and Roy nodded.

"I don't think he will. Like I said, Robin's no fool. I just wanted you to know though," he said and Raven sighed, turning back to make her tea. Taking that as a signal to make himself scarce, Roy moved into the common room to retrieve his mask.

But this night was just full of surprises.

Raven appeared in front of him as she retrieved his mask and handed it to him with a tender smile on her face, the kind of smile he swore he'd only ever seen her give to the resident Boy Wonder.

"I just wanted to say thank-you," she said, feeling a little lame with her words and placed his mask back over his eyes for him. Then, acting for once on impulse, she graced a soft, short, sweet kiss on his right cheek before floating past him to go back to her tea. Without turning around, Roy gingerly touched his cheek with his right hand.

And all he could think was: _I wish Robin was a fool._

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Thoughts/ comments? 

-Rei

New chapters of other stuff coming, as well as my response to The Writer you Fools' challenge. As for which in-progress story you'd like to see updated first, let me know because part of my problem is I let so many plot bunnies grow into stories that I don't know which one to work on! Yes I know, Rei is silly…sigh.


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